Sorry I’m Not

I remember a time I was approached by a classmate, she wasn’t someone I had ever talked to in class. Actually I didn’t really talk at all in my classes, not saying I didn’t, I just didn’t really socialize with my class mates that I had in my classes.

Well any who, this girl I’ve never talked to before, whom had been sitting in front of me for the past few months finally turned around and looked me in the eyes. We didn’t have any assignments being passed around, so I knew her turn was intentional, I just didn’t know why.

She opened with a bright smile and a kind of voice that your reserve for small children, which usually puts me in a bad mood, it gave me the feeling she was talking down to me. Then again on a second thought, I realized I was always quiet and didn’t really socialize in class. She must have thought I was shy, when actually I didn’t like the individuals in class to much, but then again I suppose that’s a classic teen attitude. But in that instance I knew she didn’t mean any harm, she was just trying to extend a hand out to someone who she thought was just having trouble socializing. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.  After a brief exchange of hellos and a false curiosity into what I was reading, her voice dropped into a whisper and a slight grin appeared on her face. A genuine kind grin from what I could tell and she asked “Can I ask you a question?” Its odd how you can at times automatically know what someone is going to say before they do, this was one of those times. I had a few close friends that had always told me that I always had a weird first impression. One I knew this girl must have gotten and had finally decided to ask the quiet guy in the seat behind her.

“sure, what is it” I replied, *drum rolling in my head* I wish I could make bets on myself.

“umm are you gay?” she asked with a slight grin, no doubt maybe some pride she had in being able to identify my sexual orientation. It was a kind smile, like she was finding a puppy and saving it.

“oh?, no I’m not” I grinned and waved off the idea.

Her reaction was quiet hilarious in my opinion. One second she was sweet and kind, the next her face was full of terror, as if she had just jabbed and woken a bear.

“oh my god!, I’m so sorry!” her face visibly getting a little pink and in a panic from what it seems like trying to find a way to apologize, but all she could get out was a small little flurry of hand motions and whispered sorry’s.

I couldn’t help but chuckle and wave my hand to dismiss the whole thing, “don’t worry about it, its no big deal. I get that a lot, nothing wrong with asking that”

With her reaction you would have thought she had just insulted me to my face, and was trying to back peddled to undo any damage she may have caused. Yet this was not new to me at all or be the last time something like this had hapned. Apparently my whole demeanor can be at times something that comes of as gay.

Which I have no issue with, some of my friends after all identify with the LGBTQ community, and they are no different then me other then who they want to love. What I could never understand is when I would see, mostly male, people respond as if they had just been told the worst insult. Most reactions seemed on the verge of violent response at times, and all I could think is, why?

Why are they getting so upset about a simple question? Is it a show? Do they think they have to put on a aggressive response to show that they are not and are 100% straight?

I could never understand why?  Are they not confident in their own masculinity? I mean if its not true why make such a secene to try and prove your straight?

I don’t think i’ll ever understand, but I just know that I’m comftrouble in my own skin to answer a question like that anytime. Afterall its not like they were asking me if I was some sort of evil or foul thing. In reality they were just asking if I was like any one of my other friends.


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